Limbo

If you've ever been in my position and in between places, life is so empty. There's that bit of limbo... I often think that perhaps the limbo that catholics talk about (where children go instead of heaven or hell) actually exists in real life - that time between being a child and becoming a person in the "real world". It seems like a crazy kind of transition where you know what you're expected to be later on but right now you can't actually achieve that.

My entire life up till now is in boxes, surrounding me. I've been a child, I've got an extended education and now I'm waiting to join the "real world". It's so frustrating though since I've got the job that takes me into it but I have to wait around to start it. So what do I do between now and then?

The fact that everything is in a box causes issues... I'm trapped with my thoughts. The sad thing is, those thoughts are all focused on what happens after I start the second stage.... This in itself causes many issues as I no longer feel like I'm in charge of what's to happen. I know my preferred scenario which basically equates to a happy family of my own. You know what though? That's kind of tricky on my own. So, I find myself planning crazy trips like Africa.... six weeks in an orphanage teaching kids the basics and educating adults about health and things.

It struck me the other day that I'm actually quite empty. Someone very close to me actually said that they had no idea what I was into, what made me, me. It's crazy. I exist, and do all these things that are my life but I have no real individual passion. I dip into so many different things. Yes, I have a passion for all things religion and anthropological but even that fails to excite me on occasion. I like all sorts of games and people and music.... but even in all the little things I feel like I'm lacking some kind of central "point" that I can achieve solely on my own. I thought I had one once, but alas no. Especially now, in this limbo I'm at a dead end.

Currently I'm finding the title to my blog page more apt than ever... to me, everything is a mystery.