Expectations - Not Great

Trauma often causes me to want to write. Although you might be thinking “Oh Gosh, something dramatic has happened” it really hasn’t. Traumas come in all shapes and sizes and are personal to you. I have seen some dramatic reactions to the most simple of things over the years; breaking a nail, realising that something’s been forgotten... Everything is personal to you. I don’t wish to share my trauma but more rant about expectations.

Expectations – so everyone has them. They are kind of necessary otherwise you don’t know what you’re doing or where your going. But. Yes, but, these expectations must be clearly labelled. Without this outline of said expectations there is a little point to them. I have set expectations of people all the time. I hope they know where they stand, if they don’t then I’m failing at letting them know where they should be. However, if I were to switch the boundaries around that is unfair on them and poor show by me. The worst scenario, my scenario relating to today, is that of expectations which change for a moment in time. I follow the rules and they shift them and then I’m the one finding myself in trouble. Shouldn’t it be them? Of course not... that would make things fairer in life. There’s one sure thing in life, it ain’t fair!

So why complain? Well, if your voice isn’t heard then what is the point of having it. Lesson for the day: be clear with what you expect otherwise you might find that you don’t get it.

Limbo

If you've ever been in my position and in between places, life is so empty. There's that bit of limbo... I often think that perhaps the limbo that catholics talk about (where children go instead of heaven or hell) actually exists in real life - that time between being a child and becoming a person in the "real world". It seems like a crazy kind of transition where you know what you're expected to be later on but right now you can't actually achieve that.

My entire life up till now is in boxes, surrounding me. I've been a child, I've got an extended education and now I'm waiting to join the "real world". It's so frustrating though since I've got the job that takes me into it but I have to wait around to start it. So what do I do between now and then?

The fact that everything is in a box causes issues... I'm trapped with my thoughts. The sad thing is, those thoughts are all focused on what happens after I start the second stage.... This in itself causes many issues as I no longer feel like I'm in charge of what's to happen. I know my preferred scenario which basically equates to a happy family of my own. You know what though? That's kind of tricky on my own. So, I find myself planning crazy trips like Africa.... six weeks in an orphanage teaching kids the basics and educating adults about health and things.

It struck me the other day that I'm actually quite empty. Someone very close to me actually said that they had no idea what I was into, what made me, me. It's crazy. I exist, and do all these things that are my life but I have no real individual passion. I dip into so many different things. Yes, I have a passion for all things religion and anthropological but even that fails to excite me on occasion. I like all sorts of games and people and music.... but even in all the little things I feel like I'm lacking some kind of central "point" that I can achieve solely on my own. I thought I had one once, but alas no. Especially now, in this limbo I'm at a dead end.

Currently I'm finding the title to my blog page more apt than ever... to me, everything is a mystery.

What's the point Miss?

I get asked so many times; "What is the point?" My answer in class always follows the lines of because you need to, because it will help you in the future, because it looks good. It's all following the idea that one day it will make a difference to the way you live your life.

My answer in my heart is I don't actually know - i'm surprised they haven't noticed that empty glaze behind my eyes as I answer. I don't know if I'll ever know. What's the point of good qualifications and an education? Yes, it gets you into further education, or gets you a job (or perhaps not in the current economic climate) but other than that it's pointless. Work and education is not the key to happiness, but love is. Love, happiness, hope... all those emotions that are related to the bad ones of sorrow, sadness, disbelief... Still... without love nothing is worth living for.

Run children, follow your hearts... but if you must, feed your minds.

Racism and Prejudice... it's up to you.

Teaching young people is my life. You are often rewarded with nuggets of inspirational thought... but there is the alternative side. On occaision you are shocked by the eternal lack of empathy found in some (and I emphasise some here) young people today.

Recently i've been shocked by a topic taught about Religion and Prejudice aimed at 15 year olds. Some, agreeably were shocked by images I displayed using the word Ni**** whilst others wern't bothered. Some bowed their heads whilst seeing a baby jew amongst the others in a mass grave. Yet, there wer e others who failed to be humbled, failed to be moved by the cruelty humanity inflicts on fellow mankind.

They were asked what can change this from happening and a response I received was; "Nothing Miss". Honestly. A separate class I asked decided that over the last 50 years something has been done to reduce the amount of prejudice present in the world, yet the amount of prejudice they themselves have is quite outstanding. I do it, they do it... and I can bet anything you do it. Can prejudice ever be exterminated? I actually do not think so, everyone is different and everyone is affected by human nature. We are bound to judge others against our ideals - it follows on from the question what is "normal"? There is no normal, it's dependant on your own views.

Prejudice should, then, be curbed. Surely? But where do we draw the line. The holocaust is the extreem version of prejudice - judgeing someone to the extent that you wish them dead. I visited Auschwitz at the young age of 16. It was an increadibly humbling experience I must say, one which I feel everyone could learn from... for me the entrance gives more meaning than anything:

Arbeit Macht Frei - Work Makes you Free

Really? Then lets get to work... lets make everyone free - free to live, free to be happy and free to have opinion. I feel in response to this I should re-read Orwells 1984 (for the umpteenth time)... expect a blog on it soon.

“You’re Well Old Miss”

I am not “well old”. Am I?

According to a spritely year seven boy I have been put into that bracket because I’ve passed the age of 20. Isn’t it rather strange that age is something no one appears able to perceive realistically? It’s true that there are gaps in one’s thinking where age is concerned. I consider those above the age of 50 to be old, and yet they would tell me they are not.

Age is a constant worry throughout society. I, being “old”, listen to the news every morning to keep in touch with the world. It was a few days ago that I heard that around 75% of infants born in the twenty first century are likely to reach the age of 100 or older. So 50 really is the new middle age, unlike the 30 – 40 bracket previously heard of. Yet I still understand it in my head to be “old”. I, like many others can not perceive age re

alistically. There is something about number that causes complication. Personally I blame infinity for such confusion. It really is impossible to understand something that never ends.

Now how is this rant about age and perceptions going to relate to my interests? You are probably thinking that I’m pretty angry at being classed as old. My mind, being as strange as it is, was not, but stored such a comment for later observations and it is tonight I remembered it and it made me being to think...

An item I find rather interesting, and is quite famous currently, in the media is that of Euthanasia and the ability for one to commit suicide in a manner that is seen to be both legal and advertised as dignified to those who choose it. If people are living l

onger and yet these same people have the opportunity to end their life prematurely then how does this fit together, morally, ethically or understandably? I am yet to meet

anyone over the age of 80 who is completely satisfied with their life. They find they are surrounded by death and health problems. I will admit now that there are exceptions to the rule and this is not judgement on society as a whole, but like previous and future posts, it is my personal observations and analysis of situations occurring.

The Euthanasia debate is filled with suspicion of intent, care, or lack of either. Do people want to live for those around them, for religious superstition i.e. hell awaits those who commit suicide, for fear of the law or are they living for themselves? Similarly do those travelling to such places a Switzerland (offering legal euthanasia) want to end their lives for those around them, for fear of damaging their pride and doing it for themselves? I do not wish to delve into deep understandings of these questio

ns, I invite you to merely think of the consequences of both. I particularly encourage thought regarding media, and the affect we have upon other people directly, indirectly and through bigger choices like government which frames the society in which we live.

Humanity is a large community, and we have previously failed at living harmoniously. Are we failing still? It is clear we do in many areas but longer life and the possibility of legal euthanasia appears to be another strain on our community living. We provide amazing opportunities for longer life and yet those living longer feel like a burden, often their longer life is overcast with pain and suffering. Those who choose to do something about it leave us arguing about whether it is right or not.

I personally have one word to say in answer to this: freewill. You are obviously welcome to your own conclusions. It amazes me every day how we are no longer in charge of our own lives, of our future lives nor of the lives we leave behind. It is told we can not have total freedom as it would cause chaos... but is what we have now not chaos?

I leave you to ponder on thoughts of your own age, your own choices and of your understandings of humanity. Life is no longer short... it is long... live it as best you can... but remember this; the life you live, the choices you make will not only affect you, they affect the futures of those around you and of those left behind.

For your amusement and somewhat related:

Judaism

So my first blog is inspired by my current working environment.

A few days ago orthodox Jews descended upon the accommodation I currently serve as a receptionist. I, being the religious fanatic (interest wise rather than practice wise) was rather excited about this. My colleagues, with exception to one, were the complete opposite. I didn't expect much excitement from them, but perhaps a little interest and most importantly a little respect. Instead, the complaints piled in. "They're so pretentious, arrogant, rude…" The preconceptions coming out of their mouths were actually unbelievable.

Religion and issues surrounding it have always been on the front line of the media battle. I wonder… is the media to blame for such preconceptions faced by so many different religious factions. The current battles faced in Israel, currently divided in two, only demonstrates the hardships that religions face. Notably, in some instances it is their historical documents causing the issue, and yet the majority are quite happy to have such a division. The extremists are those who cause the issues, and so do they cause the preconceptions? I can be sure of one thing, it is very wrong to tarnish a group with the same brush. Perhaps it is simply a generation thing? Admittedly, most of my colleagues are double my age; however, the single person who did not have a bad word to say is of this age also.

Judaism is enriched with cultural history and a sense of belonging and their arrogance is misinterpreted from their sense of pride. They do complain a lot, but their standards are high, our societies standards are not so and those who are simply British (rather than religious and British) are renowned for living with their situation rather than complaining.

Over the last few days I have laughed with orthodox Jewish men, I’ve spoken to well educated girls and argued reasonably with the women. I can’t really say that about my fellow breed of unreligious persons. The men leer, the children are uncontrollable and the women are insufferable.

So I say to anyone who sides with my colleagues, look at your own society before you judge another’s.

[No offence is meant by the image displayed. Currently, Jews do win.]